I"m a girl. Not an entirely girly girl--but I do enjoy a nice pair of shoes with a cute new outfit and accenting bag. This is not something that fits easily into the food stamps budget but I think there are ways around that so long as I can stand the mortification.
I previously mentioned that I go through a stage after having a baby that makes me want to get rid of nearly all my clothes and start over. With my first child this started the day I found out I could fit into my regular pants again and I decided to try on all my other clothes too. After putting on a few shirts I realized that though I had lost my baby weight there is something about carrying a bowling ball around in your abdomen that makes your body shape different...in a bad way. At the time, I still had shirts from high school in my closet and realized it was no longer cute for me to dress in teenage clothes. Though I was and am still young, there comes a time when you have to begin to embrace the "women's department". I am still struggling with this revelation.
I am entering this ferocious stage of postpartum where I have lost most of the baby weight but still don't feel pretty, don't feel myself, but definitely want to feel fantastic.
I started last week with pulling out my handy Making Faces makeup book...a must for every girls library. I'm trying new looks each day and trying to figure out what looks best. Its odd, but my face shape has changed after having kids and aging--I miss my chubbier cheeks now--never thought I'd say that!
After playing with makeup each day I venture into my closet determined to find an outfit I want to wear more than my sweats. I glance at all the juvenile/out of date clothing hanging in my closet and contemplate. I have a conundrum.
I am wanting to find some clothes that fit me properly. Something to make me feel nice, respectable, pretty. Something that doesn't have baby spit up on it. Something that I feel confident in and escape my frumpiness for a few moments. I need to find items that are functional, cute, durable and affordable. And I really don't want to go shopping with kids in tow. Being the wife of a law student doesn't give me a lot of hope for this situation...so I'm going to make my own solutions...consignment here I come.
I decided to start the selling of my clothes at Plato's Closet. They have a simple system in which you take your stuff in and they give you cash for the stuff they want. It seemed like a good idea until I found out this would lead to my total embarrassment and yet another realization and resentment of our self induced broke financial situation.
After lugging my large bin of items to the counter they told me it would take a few minutes so I could browse around the store. I found a few items that I thought might be flattering and entered the dressing room. After the first two dresses made me look totally awful I was in a foul and self loathing mood. This mood was further degenerated when the teenage girl employee came back to the dressing room to speak to her manager.
Apparently the front counter was very cluttered and the employee seemed worried that the manager should know why. She explained to the manager that several people, including a first time seller, had brought their items in at once and that was why they were crowded up front. "I'm going through the new sellers bin," she said. "And its taking forever because I pull things out and its like...this is crap, crap, crap, crap, Oh-this one is ok...and then just more crap. Its taking a long time."
As soon as I overheard her say she was going through a first time sellers bin I knew she was talking about my stuff. My husband told me I shouldn't care about what some stupid teenage girl said and it was totally unprofessional for her to speak that way in the dressing room. He's right...but I still had to fight back the tears.
It wasn't that she was wrong. A lot of my stuff is kind of crappy. I've been a stickler about price for years-out of necessity. This means that all my stuff has come from a clearance rack and is not always the cutest. Saving for a rainy day, or law school, or retirement is more important to me than having nice clothes. I thought I looked decent...but I realize now that I just looked "not naked."
I wish I could just say,"Hey honey, I need some new clothes. How about we get a babysitter and go to the mall this weekend and get a few things?" I can't. We don't have the time nor the money. I am ok with us being broke and busy most of the time. But when a complete stranger, especially a silly teenage stranger, calls your stuff crap it doesn't make you feel good.
So do me a favor. Don't judge the girl who doesn't have it all together. Don't judge the girl who is lugging her screaming 3 year old through the grocery store and then pays with a food stamps card. I'm not trash...I'm a mom. I think I might even be a good mom. Don't judge the girl who brings in crappy clothes for consignment...or at least keep your mouth shut. I don't like presenting my outdated clothes to you any more than you like going through them.
Someday my kids will be teenagers. I pray by then we will be standing on solid financial feet and I will teach them to not judge the poor young mom who is making an attempt at being fashionable...and if I can't teach them that--I will at least teach them to keep their mouths shut!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
To Be Responsible or Not to Be Responsible...That is the Question
I have been severely lacking in my blog posts. I like to think this is because I am too busy taking care of my perfectly behaved children, and my immaculate home so my hard-working, law student husband can come home to a gourmet meal. I like to think that....I also like to think I am 6 feet tall, 120 pounds, have long-thick hair and a 36 inch inseam. We all deserve to daydream.
I've been living the life of a frazzled mom. I try my best to keep the kids clean, occupied, and happy while my husband is away at school, or shut in a room at home with his nose in a book. I think it goes without saying that law school "finals" week wasn't just difficult for my husband, it was an entire month filled with challenges for the whole family. Oh, and everyone except me got the flu...I got to clean up the vomit. Yea, for me.
In situations like this I am truly grateful for the government aide we receive. My wallet is much thicker now. Not because of an overflow of cash- (that would be ridiculous)...my wallet is thick because of the plethora of cards I have to carry with me all the time.
I have a "debit" style card for food stamps, another with a special chip on the top for the WIC program, a CHIP identification card for my kids health insurance and monthly letters to verify my youngest's Medicaid coverage. Its oddly comforting to peek in my wallet and know that I have money for food and healthcare for my children if its needed. It is going to be hard to have to use my own money to pay for food in the future!
In January it was our first time to be evaluated for renewal of our food stamps and Medicaid. I was nervous. Originally, I had been told that someone in the house must be working at least 20 hours in order to keep the help and this did not include any of my husbands hours he spent on school...so the 20 hours would have to come from me. I tried for several weeks to consistently get 20 hours of work in, but it was hard with the kids. I work from home as a paralegal and it seemed that nap-time was never long enough. Then law schools finals were approaching, and there was no way I was getting in 20 hours since my husband couldn't help with the kids. I was worried. If we didn't get food stamps we wouldn't have enough money to get food, and keep up with all our other bills. I've never been late on any payment and I don't plan on starting now.
Gratefully, the government likes to reward the irresponsible. If you have kids at home the 20 hours of required work does not apply. I don't need to be working at all. Its a difficult issue for me. I value my time at home with my kids before they are school age but is the government just rewarding those who refuse to use birth control?
After teaching criminals, I have seen what it does to kids to not have a stable mother at home. In a sense, am I actually costing society less money by using government aide and staying home with my kids than I would be if I got a job, stuck them in daycare and raised misbehaved kids?
I like to think I'm doing the best thing by staying home. Or is it better to embrace the long lost American work ethic and take several jobs to keep our family financially afloat until my husband is out of school? This is an especially difficult inner turmoil for me since I do have a college degree and could possibly make enough money to support our family if I took a full time job. In the end, I choose to fear God and not to fear man. I may have people mad at me for using food stamps but all the food came from God and my children are from Him too. I'd much rather answer for the sins of taking free food than for doing wrong by my children.
Being reevaluated for aide also made me ponder the consequences of financial irresponsibility. Or, the lack of responsibility. If you have more that $5,000 combined cash and/or asset you cannot qualify. This makes sense to me. Someone with no job and huge stashes of money should not be able to get help...that is what the stash is for. We have no stash. But I'll tell you who does....liars, drug dealers, and illegals.
My husband always wondered how all the drug dealers and illegals he used to arrest had big screens and speaker systems with their food stamps card sitting on top. I'll tell you. They have cash and they lie about it. No evidence, no problem. You have to learn to play the system.
Luckily for us our student loan money was down to nothing when we were re qualified. We definitely didn't have $5,000 anywhere. But I knew we'd have a large student loan check coming in and was hoping it would show up late so it didn't show in our balances.
Now my concern is for our upcoming tax refund which is sure to be the largest refund we have ever received. I should set this money aside and use it to pay for our food so we aren't on food stamps for a few months. Or, I can spend the money so it isn't in our accounts when we re qualify again in a few months.
I decided on what I deem to be a compromise. I will try to be spend it wisely but still deplete it enough to keep qualifying for aide. We've got needed repairs on both of our cars, and upcoming medical costs to pay for.---That's me being responsible while still not keeping the money visible.
On the irresponsible side, I'd like to set aside cash for Christmas next year, (I can easily get Christmas for everyone for $300) and very selfishly--I want a new bed. We've had the same bed since we got married and my husband and I are both waking up with neck, head and back aches. Do we "deserve" a bed. No. Can we afford a bed?....not exactly. We can if we use the tax return and keep the food stamps...or we save the tax return, don't get a bed and stop getting food stamps until our student loan money runs out a few months later and then reapply.
To be responsible, or not to be responsible? That is the question.
I've been living the life of a frazzled mom. I try my best to keep the kids clean, occupied, and happy while my husband is away at school, or shut in a room at home with his nose in a book. I think it goes without saying that law school "finals" week wasn't just difficult for my husband, it was an entire month filled with challenges for the whole family. Oh, and everyone except me got the flu...I got to clean up the vomit. Yea, for me.
In situations like this I am truly grateful for the government aide we receive. My wallet is much thicker now. Not because of an overflow of cash- (that would be ridiculous)...my wallet is thick because of the plethora of cards I have to carry with me all the time.
I have a "debit" style card for food stamps, another with a special chip on the top for the WIC program, a CHIP identification card for my kids health insurance and monthly letters to verify my youngest's Medicaid coverage. Its oddly comforting to peek in my wallet and know that I have money for food and healthcare for my children if its needed. It is going to be hard to have to use my own money to pay for food in the future!
In January it was our first time to be evaluated for renewal of our food stamps and Medicaid. I was nervous. Originally, I had been told that someone in the house must be working at least 20 hours in order to keep the help and this did not include any of my husbands hours he spent on school...so the 20 hours would have to come from me. I tried for several weeks to consistently get 20 hours of work in, but it was hard with the kids. I work from home as a paralegal and it seemed that nap-time was never long enough. Then law schools finals were approaching, and there was no way I was getting in 20 hours since my husband couldn't help with the kids. I was worried. If we didn't get food stamps we wouldn't have enough money to get food, and keep up with all our other bills. I've never been late on any payment and I don't plan on starting now.
Gratefully, the government likes to reward the irresponsible. If you have kids at home the 20 hours of required work does not apply. I don't need to be working at all. Its a difficult issue for me. I value my time at home with my kids before they are school age but is the government just rewarding those who refuse to use birth control?
After teaching criminals, I have seen what it does to kids to not have a stable mother at home. In a sense, am I actually costing society less money by using government aide and staying home with my kids than I would be if I got a job, stuck them in daycare and raised misbehaved kids?
I like to think I'm doing the best thing by staying home. Or is it better to embrace the long lost American work ethic and take several jobs to keep our family financially afloat until my husband is out of school? This is an especially difficult inner turmoil for me since I do have a college degree and could possibly make enough money to support our family if I took a full time job. In the end, I choose to fear God and not to fear man. I may have people mad at me for using food stamps but all the food came from God and my children are from Him too. I'd much rather answer for the sins of taking free food than for doing wrong by my children.
Being reevaluated for aide also made me ponder the consequences of financial irresponsibility. Or, the lack of responsibility. If you have more that $5,000 combined cash and/or asset you cannot qualify. This makes sense to me. Someone with no job and huge stashes of money should not be able to get help...that is what the stash is for. We have no stash. But I'll tell you who does....liars, drug dealers, and illegals.
My husband always wondered how all the drug dealers and illegals he used to arrest had big screens and speaker systems with their food stamps card sitting on top. I'll tell you. They have cash and they lie about it. No evidence, no problem. You have to learn to play the system.
Luckily for us our student loan money was down to nothing when we were re qualified. We definitely didn't have $5,000 anywhere. But I knew we'd have a large student loan check coming in and was hoping it would show up late so it didn't show in our balances.
Now my concern is for our upcoming tax refund which is sure to be the largest refund we have ever received. I should set this money aside and use it to pay for our food so we aren't on food stamps for a few months. Or, I can spend the money so it isn't in our accounts when we re qualify again in a few months.
I decided on what I deem to be a compromise. I will try to be spend it wisely but still deplete it enough to keep qualifying for aide. We've got needed repairs on both of our cars, and upcoming medical costs to pay for.---That's me being responsible while still not keeping the money visible.
On the irresponsible side, I'd like to set aside cash for Christmas next year, (I can easily get Christmas for everyone for $300) and very selfishly--I want a new bed. We've had the same bed since we got married and my husband and I are both waking up with neck, head and back aches. Do we "deserve" a bed. No. Can we afford a bed?....not exactly. We can if we use the tax return and keep the food stamps...or we save the tax return, don't get a bed and stop getting food stamps until our student loan money runs out a few months later and then reapply.
To be responsible, or not to be responsible? That is the question.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)